I have learned a few lessons about angry emails, and some of them the hard way. Anger, like radiation, has a half-life. Something you feel right now may seem trivial in a day or two. In the olden days, a person would have to sit down with scroll, quill and inkwell. In addition to the content, you would have to be focused on your handwriting. It would probably take a couple of tries to get it just so because when you are angry, you do not want to look like a total idiot to the person whom you are trying to prove to be a bigger idiot.

By the time you got the letter written, dried, rolled, tied up and handed off to a messenger, you had plenty of opportunities to second-guess yourself, lighten your tone, or even change your mind completely.

These days, you just whip your phone out, have your say, hit send and then think about whether or not the message was a good idea. Many of the lessons I’ve learned apply to more than just emails. Words in any form cannot be taken back. Implementing a cooling-off period is generally a good tactic unless the situation is urgent.

In order to prevent having to write subsequent regretful or conciliatory emails or having to face even worse consequences, here are some things to remember before you hit “send”:

1. It’s ok to write the email right away. If possible, however, let it sit at least 24 hours before sending.
2. Sometimes it’s ok to write a message and never send it. I am not a mental health professional, but I’ve heard it can be somewhat therapeutic. I have a draft that has been sitting in my email account for almost five years. It was superbly composed and completely accurate, but the intended recipient would never, ever see the truth in it.
3. Always proofread. You want it to make sense. No one cares about your point if you sound loony.
4. Be respectful. Even if the other person or entity is being completely unreasonable, take the high road. Don’t use profanity or call names. Being undignified reflects on you, not the other party.
5. Say something positive, if possible. Even if you don’t feel like being nice, you likely want the other party to view you as at least another human being. You probably have an issue you would like to get resolved, and acknowledging their humanity will help you get off on the right foot.
6. State exactly what it is you want. Is it an apology? A credit? A replacement part? A change of policy? Be clear. General ranting usually just puts the other party on the defensive and will not get you anywhere.
7. Don’t drag others into the conversation unnecessarily, and be cautious when naming names.
8. Be ready to back up any of your statements. Only state what you know to be true. Only write what you would be comfortable showing to a boss or a family member. Better yet, don’t write anything you don’t want to see reprinted online or introduced as evidence in court. As my mom always advised me, sign your name only to documents you stand behind.
9. Make sure you copy and blind copy as appropriate. Be wary of “reply all.”
10. Finally, don’t be afraid to say what you need to say. It’s ok to be honest and forthright in your communications. Just say what you want to say in the best way possible. If you’ve cooled down, reread your writing, and you still want to be heard, sometimes it feels pretty damn good to hit “send.”

BAM! by Mark LaPoint is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://susanlapoint.com